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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if hes cute screw the fruit.
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
Dont start with me..You will not win!
Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
Fat people are harder to kidnap
For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong buttons you'll be disconnected
Good Girls are Bad girls that don't get caught
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
I have a picture of u, I think its very nice, I put it under my bed... 2 scare away the mice!
I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it
I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
I love ur smile and ur eyes...Damn im good at telling lies! :D
I never appoligize! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception
I taught you everything you know..but not everything I know!
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own
I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet
I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea
I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!
If u want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen
in life only one person gets to shine, move out my way, ur blockin my light.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man
My door is always open so feel free to leave
Silence is Golden.. But Shouting IS fun!
Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
Those are my principles. If you don't like them... I have others.
We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
when i'm good i'm really good when i'm bad i'm better
You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
By the time you read this, you've already read it
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
I'm not lazy, I'm just happy doing nothing.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you
People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do
Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
You'll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it!
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway
Girls/Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright
Your so ugly they put your picture on the airline sick bag
Just because you're stupid doesn't mean I'm lying
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things
If guys had their period they'd probably brag about the size of their tampon
If swimming is so good for you're figure how do you explain whales?
You have the right to remain silent, because whatever you say will probably be stupid
I love to chat, just not with you.
It's national loser week! I'm so glad to see that you're participating!
Mirrors don't talk but lucky for you they don't laugh either
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but please don't abuse the privilege
Help conserve oxygen... kill yourself!
People like you are the reason I'm on medication.
I know it's not my job to tell you how you look, but you're ugly. I know how you feel, I just don't care.
If a bad friend stabs you at the back⦠a good friend will stab you at the front..
Cry me a river, build me a bridge, now do me a favour and jump off
LIFE IS DEPRESSING, BUT BEING WITH U IS WORSE
My imaginary friend thinks you r crazy.
Working is for people who don't know how to fish.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
You are still UGLI pass me another BEER
Avoid hangovers by staying drunk.
Be nice to your kids, they choose your nursing home.
IS it just me, or do monkeys taste like fish?
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
Facts: Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products.
I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
Save trees, Eat Beavers!
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop
Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember
Marriage is not like war: You sleep with the enemy
Work harder: People on welfare depend on you